Step One!

Caution:I wasn't able to fix the picture of my shrine (I'm just so lazy!) so you're to have to turn your head a little.
First things first: Happy belated Christmas! (or should i say XXXmas. HA!)
Isn't HE LOVELY? ISN'T HE WONDERFUL? Answer:YES!

So, Today I started Day 1 towards my journey to Witch Doctor-hood!(I'm not sure if that's what i could call it, but whatever.) I built a shrine dedicated to the Goddess Aphrodite!
Here it is:(Turn head now)
It is filled with such goodness! Aphrodite is represented here by a picture of Anna Drake. My offerings include:Dumbledore Trading Card,A picture of half of Stephen Drake's face,An Alf puzzle,a candle. , binoculars, a comic book,some pink thread,a tattoo,a picture of a cat petting a unicorn,an old Marc Jacobs advertisement, a violet watercolor,some water, a cat stamp, a cowboy pin with beads, an old radio, a top hat and a patch of dolphin love. (the rest of which was buried at sea.) She's going to love it!
I was trying to find some chants that I could sing to Aphrodite. I couldn't find any,but I did find out that she is the patron saints of prostitutes!

I'll just sing this to her instead:
I know a Mormon boy,
He is my pride and joy.
He knows most everything from Alma on down.
Someday I'll be his wife,
We'll have eternal life.
Oh how I love that Mormon Boy!
While looking for the 'Mormon Boy' lyrics I found this:
How to date a Mormon Boy:

1. Step 1

   Read "For the Strength of Youth," a little pamphlet that states the guidelines that Latter Day Saint youths learn. Be familiar with Mormon basic values. They are Christians, family oriented, and very dedicated. Teenage Latter Day Saints go to seminary, usually early in the morning before school, and attend a youth group one night every week.

2. Step 2

   Know his age. Latter Day Saints are advised to not date until they turn sixteen.

3. Step 3

   Be respectful. Have a strong sense of humor, but stay away from rude or vulgar jokes and criticism of others, or any kind of foul language.

4. Step 4

   Enjoy a fun clean environment. A Latter Day Saint will avoid bars or R-rated movies. However, they come up with some fun creative ways to date and places to go.

5. Step 5

   Keep your breath fresh. Don't drink or smoke around him as he'll find that unattractive.

6. Step 6

   Have fun with the old-fashioned courtesy. He'll come to your door to pick you up, prepared to meet your parents. Wait for him to open all your doors for you. Stay in the car so he can come around and open the door. Let him pay for the entire evening's activities.

7. Step 7

   Keep your intimate expectations low. Chastity is something Mormon boys strive for, though holding hands and kisses are acceptable. Be prepared for a Mormon boy to be very slow in making any moves in his effort to avoid any compromising situations.

Step five is the best.
Well, I better start my worshipin'.
(This blog was sponsored by The Children of the Morning SO:(rrow )

Garba Alert!

How Precious! I love this picture

I've had two Ed Helms dreams and I want to tell you about them.
1.The first dream was basically: I almost fell into a well but Ed Helms held my hand so I wouldn't fall in and die. And his hands were soft.
2.He wasn't really in my dream. But, Lady Gaga hit me with an umbrella. I said (to Lady Gaga)
"Stay away from Ed Helms!" and she said "I don't know who that is!" What a jerk!
That's it for this episode. I have lots to do.
But, next time: apples

My Wish List

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go...
As you very well know,tomorrow is Black Friday. So, here is my Christmas list!!!!! (In no particular order)

1.A Submarine.
It would be so awesome. I would be able to wave hello to all of my sea friends. I would "accidentally" crash and kill the platypus' in Australia. Find Atlantis and have lunch with the Little Mermaid. Finally.

2.A strand,or a bunch of strands, of Ed Helms' glorious hair.
I would know it was an authentic piece of hair because I would give it to my good friends Detective Benson and Detective Stabler and they would DNA test it. Then, I would put it in a vile and wear it around my neck. Any hair from any part of his body... JUST KIDDING. NO pubes.

3.A Pet Sea Otter
SOOOOOOOOOO OO cute. My favorite animal! Oh my goodness,look at this little guy! He is probably thinking: Who brought the potato salad? I would name him Adrien Brody's Skinny Legs because I love Adrien Brody's Skinny Legs. And every time he would do something stupid I would say "Oh, for the love of Ray J! Adrian Brody's Skinny Legs,what were you thinking?"










4. I want Joseph Gordon-Levitt AND Michael McMillian to convert to Mormonism. Especially Michael McMillian because I saw him play the part of a Mormon and it just brightened up my day. It was great.


5. An 8x10 autographed glossy of ALF.
I want the message to be:
Cristina,
The only good cat is a stir-fried cat. Haaa! I kill me.
Your friend,
ALF

6.This Puzzle Place Muppet.
Julie to be exact. "The Puzzle Place,The Puzzle Place. We're going to the Puzzle Place" I forgot the rest of the lyrics. The only episode I remember is the Winter Holidays special where the gang learned about the different Holidays that people celebrate!

7. I want all 8 season of Monk that are available on DVD.
This show is very funny.I love that Adrian Monk numbers his shirts and makes Natalie do all of the hard work.







8.I WANT THIS CHANEL CROWN SO BAD!
It is just so beautiful. It reminds me of something that Holly Golightly would wear mixed with something that would be in The Little Mermaid's Collection of human things.




9. Glen Hansard.
I want him to either follow me around all day and narrate my life through song, Stalk me,or kidnap me.
Any of the three would be awesome. I mean, just look at that face. And have you heard his accent?! His "creepy"phone calls would be the best things ever they would be very pleasent. And he would probably be a really nice stalker. If he noticed that I hadn't eaten all morning he'd probably buy me a bagel or something.


10. A walk on role in a Klaxons video.
I know that their videos usually just consist of Jamie,James and Simon doing something (usually sitting,standing or just walking around) But I want to be a video ho or something in their video. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not sure "ho" is the right word, I'm leaning more towards video darling.


So, chip chop chip get on it! Christmas is less then a month away and I want everything on this list!

The Sad One

She spent her money with such perfect style
The clerks would gasp at each new thing she'd choose.
I couldn't help myself: I had to smile

Or burst. Her slender purse was crocodile;
Her blouse was from Bendel's, as were her shoes.
She spent her money with such perfect style!

I loved her so! She shopped--and all the while
My soul that bustling image would perfuse.
I couldn't help myself: I had to smile

At her hand-knitted sweater from the Isle
Of Skye, an apres-skis of bold chartreuse.
She spent her money with such perfect style.

Enchanted by her, mile on weary mile
I tracked my darling down the avenues.
I couldn't help myself. I had to smile

At how she never once surmised my guile.
My heart was hers--I'd nothing else to lose.
She spent her money with such perfect style
I couldn't help myself. I had to smile.
--Tom Disch
This week I learned that it is not illegal to follow someone home. Thank God!

More Cool Things

Ms.Frizzle was totally awesome. I really wanted to post a picture of Ms.Frizzle wearing one of her printed dresses.Her attire was always really cool and appropriate to the adventure that day. This picture doesn't do her any justice, but she is just so cool.



Happy Veteran's Day!



ANYWAYS, last week I was at a thrift store when I came upon an N'SYNC memo pad. I really wanted to buy it, but it didn't have a price tag. (WAH WAH) When I opened this beauty up, I found some notes written by two girls name Jenny and Michelle. One of these great pieces of literature was about 9/11. So, here it is:
(It should also be noted that this note was written with a lime green gel pen)
Date:9-11-01
Jenny,
Man, everyone is talking about these bombings and crashings in New York and Washington. This is nuts. I feel so bad for all of these people who died or lost one of their family members. I wrote that stuff 2 days ago. Now it is Thursday.I still can't believe what happened. All I know is that those people definitely need to be punished.OK,Now it is Wednesday

Then it just ends. Kind of like this blog post.

The Dodgy End

Cool.

Somehow I have managed to be sick for two consecutive weekends. It's horrible.
The only good thing about being sick is being able to bum around without feeling like a total asshole.
Today I am going to watch Harry Potter 5 and Love Actually. Just call it a mini Alan Rickman marathon! While his face is pretty handsome, his voice is even better.He has the second best voice in the world. (My 5 top actors with the best voices: 1.Ed Helms,2. Alan Rickman, 3. Al Pacino as Michael Corleone, 4. Dustin Hoffman, 5. Liam Neeson)

*Ed Helms fact!*: Ed Helms voice is so great that he once did a voice over for a Burger King commercial. That's AWESOME!


















Double cool. Or should I say "JUDYFUL"

Now a letter to Ed Helms:(I stole this from Love Actually, But It's very funny. I Hope it doesn't disturb anyone.ahahahaha)
Dear Ed Helms,
I would like to marry you and Have lots of sex and babies.

How Do You Tell A Child That Someone Has Died?

First Things First...Happy Birthday Elizabeth! In honor of your birthday there is a Law & Order:SVU mini marathon on TV! Just like last week! Well, at least SVU is the better Law & Order. I hope that Rupert Grint gives you the swine flu because he's had that shit like twice this year. At least that's what Dre said.
I'd say that contracting something (with the exception of any STD) would be a pretty great birthday gift. Hahahahaha!



My precious fish Ed Helms died. He was found floating yesterday morning. He was the cutest fish, he had rosy cheeks and he was very energetic. He loved popcorn and flowers which is why he was buried in a bed of popcorn and flowers. May he rest in peace in the heavens above with George Harrison. And he gets to sleep all he wants. I'm kind of jealous. No I'm not!

How do you feel about single mothers?(I am watching For the Love of Ray J)
I wonder what my nickname would be if I went on the show. Probably Jawsome or Greasy. I would be kicked off because he would find out that I only went on the show so that I could expose my love for Ed Helms to the world. I would not be there for the love of Ray J.

There's this part of Ray J where they are all about to sit down for the nickname ceremony and he says something like,"I feel like Barack Obama, YES WE CAN!"
I'm not sure how the two compare, but I know one day I will date Ed Helms. Say it with me: YES WE CAN!


I don't feel like showering...
Ed Helms fact: Ed Helms showers everyday

On a more serious note, today the shoelace on my moccasin got stuck on the escalator! That has been one of my biggest fears since the 90s when I saw a news report on it. Very scary.

1(a

le
af
fa
ll

s)
one
l

iness

- e.e. cummings
Ugh, I'm starting to hate the fall and I just want this to be over.

A Proper Obituary

Jesus Christ, I feel like crap. I"m freezing, my body is sore and every time I move I feel like my head is about to fall out.
Anyways, I was watching The Martha Stewart Show today and I ABSOLUTELY loved it! I mean I already knew that I loved her magazine, but I never realized just how awesome she is. I wonder if I could write her some letters asking her to invite Ed Helms on her show?

Anyways, my poor pet fish Leonard has passed away. He was a good fish,and he was the oldest in the bowl. But,maybe it was a good thing that he's has passed away, now he can join the great Bea Arthur in the skies above it.

OK, so I am going to go make myself some tea and maybe sweeten it. (Ed Helms Fact:Ed Helms LOVES tea,especially sweet tea.)

"What happened to her curves?....I was talking about the curve of her back you moron!"

Anyways, I've decided that if I ever want to impress a new group of people all I have to do is buy a Backstreet Boys CD. Then, I will take my CD player to school and they will ask me what I am listening to and I will show them and they will like me. Or not.




Elizabeth Baratta is the Bully of BYU.

Warning:Very Creepy

Dear Ed Helms,

                       Don't look any further! I am your woman! I will marry you and we will have a fantastic wedding ! The back of my wedding dress will look like this. (I was going to put up a picture of the entire dress, but that might have led to you looking for the model.)

   Then, we will have kids and when I am pregnant you can kiss my stupid pregnant "belly" and I won't get creeped out! And you could sing to me all the time and I would like it.

But,alas, this will never happen. At least not in this lifetime. Maybe later when I am reincarnated into a young looking Angelica Houston and you still look like yourself. 

I shouldn't have written this. I'm getting pretty sad because I KNOW that Andy Bernard and Erin are going to get together and it's just going to ruin me. (Wipes tear)

I just wanted to publish my love.

I hope this is sexier...

Than Shia LaBeouf's mother. But,that's hard to beat.Anyways, this blog has nothing to do with Shia or his motha. It's about my two favorite states, other then Illinois. AND they are.....Pennsylvania and Georgia.Now let me tell you why

Georgia:

1. Ed Helms:My beloved Edward was born in Atlanta , Georgia. He, in my opinion is Georgia's favorite son. And one day, just maybe, we will have our own son. And when he's eighteen, eighteen he'll have an attitude. Later, nineteen acting snobby lookin' real rude.And he will be named Bear after Bear Grylls. I Love Ed Helms to the tenth degree.

2.Cohutta Lee: My favorite,favorite,favorite reality show star EVER! This young man hails from Blue Ridge,Georgia. Anyways, he has the best accent ever, and he just seems like such a sweetheart. I mean seriously, this guy went on the Real World looking for A WIFE! Classic. He builds houses,eats tree bark and if you say his name really fast it sound like cuddly.

3. After some hours, I have come to the conclusion that they are my second favorite band ever. Words can't even describe how much I love them

4.The best drink ever. And this delicious liquid candy is produced in lovely Atlanta, Georgia. Wonderful.

5. T.I.: Not only did Clifford Harris write the 'Magic Position' he also wrote 'Whatever You Like'! And if I was famous we'd be good friends. Oh the crazy pranks we'd pull. (More on famous best friends later) I can't wait for you to get out of the slammer buddy.

6. Damian Owens: No comment.
But, I'm sure this picture says enough.

(Dear Elizabeth,

Please send me more pictures of Mormon boys. Like Pokemon, I gotta catch 'em all!)

Moving on...

Pennsylvania

1. Asher Roth: He is quite the cutie. And I love the song 'Be By Myself' featuring Cee-lo. However, not so awesome his watch ads for some watch company. He looks best when he has clothes on. I hope Asher Roth Never reads this.

2. York, PA: There's a store there called Giant. This photograph is a representation of my cousin Melina Gandarilla who used to live there.She was totally in love with Honest Abe. Also, Josiah Warren.

3.It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: I LOVE THIS SHOW! Seriously, the scene where Charlie says that his interests are ghouls has been making me laugh for a week. And my grandmother looks like Danny Devito

4. Bradley Cooper:If I was famous I know for a fact that he would be my best friend. We would look through yearbooks, go shopping, watch Project Runway...everything that best friends do together. He'd be the one who introduces me to Ed Helms...ahhhhh.If only.

This blog sucked.

Anyways, I'll leave you with these parting words:I'm a P-I-M-P. With diamonds all in my teeth. I step in the light man , my mouth be shining.

This last picture is dedicated to my sweet and sassy father.

And I'm There...

Isn't is just so amazing how much Dhani Harrisson looks like his dad?
The answer is yes.

Anyways, I went to the Wilco show last night. They were great,as always.
Jeff Tweedy was wearing some pretty awesome booties, they looked like the pair that will be arriving at my house in about a month. (FUCK YOU J.CREW!) I bet if Michelle Obama ordered these boots they wouldn't tell HER that they were on back order! Now, you may be thinking: Cristina, she's the first lady of the country. Bollocks! I'm the President of Ed Helms on Ice Land! (This rant is not about Michelle Obama, it is about J.Crew.)
Moving on, I think it's time that we talk about something very important: Dolphins. You may be wondering, Where does this fan club stand on dolphins, should us followers love or hate them? As President, I say we are indifferent to them. 2 reasons: 1.(ED HELMS FACT ALERT!) Ed Helms is indifferent about dolphins. 2. I've been hearing some rumors that dolphins are the future

Welcome!!!!

If you are reading this page you were one of the chosen few who was asked to join my awesome Ed Helms fan club.
In other words I Love You!
Anywhoozles, this my awesome new blog/fan club!

(*OK,before I continue this about me section thing has anyone else seen the Lady Gaga Paparazzi video? The triplets from Daisy of Love were totally in that video.)

Ok, so about the fan blog, it's going to be totally awesome. I,Cristina Isabel Gandarilla, am the President/Vice President. And Allie Curry is my assistant/Speaker of the House of Representatives. hehhehheh.

About me: Well, I love Ed Helms times infinity. "I am a tiger! Only Kidding! I used to be a tiger but I'm not anymore!" OK, and if you try to steal my man (Ed Helms) I will go Norman Bates all over you! Well, I wouldn't, but my feeling would be hurt. And I love Michael Showalter's awkward body.

Also,someday I plan to make everyone think that Ed Helms and I are flying away in a balloon, but we will actually just be hiding in an attic.

So, I will be updating this blog pretty soon. I'm not sure when, but I'll Get Busy By sean paul on the next entry soon.(this sentence is a shout out to Jackie Lozano)

And the song you should have kept in mind while reading this was : Quiero Que Me Quieras sung by Gael Garcia Bernal. This is my shout out to my sister and her commi boyfriend. ALSO my Tio Luis Diaz because I'm 5000% sure that if he ever became a famous soccer player he would make this exact music video.